A Conversation…

Kris- Who are you?

Gracie- What do you mean?

K- I mean, Who are you?

G- I’m Gracie.

K- Well, I know that, but, Who are you?

G- I’m you.

K- Well, I know that too, but what does that mean?

G- What do you want it to mean?

K- Ugh!!!

G- Seriously, Who do you think I am?

K-I think you are a representation of me. My surrogate. My Proxy. I think you are someone who I want to be.

G- Ummmm…..

K- Well, ok, I am already you, but I am more comfortable being you than being me. I am not comfortable in my skin. I feel more like myself in yours.

G- Why do you think that is?

K- Well, I’m not sure. Part of it is fear. Fear of rejection, fear of being judged or being looked down on because I am not ideal for our society.

G- but… hmmmm.

K- When I am you, I am free to be real. I am free to come out of hiding.

G- Why are you hiding?

K-Well I don’t know that I’m hiding, per se, but it comes downn to that rejection thing again. I don’t know.

G-Yea me neither. So what are you eating right now?

K- Ummmm, why do you ask?

G-Because I know it can’t be good. So spill.

K- *rolls eyes* M&M’s

G- Ugh!!! I thought you quit cold turkey??

K-I did.

G- So?

K- So?

G- Why did you start again?

K- Because they sounded good.

G- Uh huh!

K- Well they did. Ok, plus I’m sitting at work and I got the munchies. Especially where I’m working and who I’m working with today. It’s comfort food.

G- Yea, I know. But you need to stop. It’s just not good for you. Think of Dad!! Don’t forget he died at 50 years old from a heart attack. You’re 36. You need to think about your health.

K- Yea I know. I hear ya. But it’s easier said than done.

G- But you have to try!! Please???

K- I am trying. I walked over 2 miles this morning.

G- I know, that’s great!! I’m proud of you!! Now, keep it up!!

K- Thx.

G-So tell me about this project that I seem to be starring in.

K-Well I really look up to you. To me. Ugh!! I like who I am in you. You are living the way I want to live. You are a successful artist. You own a home. You have guys contacting you all the time.

G- Pfffttt!!! Yea and look how those relationships turned out.

K-Well, I admit meeting someone online is risky.

G- Uh huh!!

K-Ok, but I envy you.

G-Why? I am you.

K- I know. I know. I envy the freedom you have.

G- But, I am you!!!!

A little while later…

G- So I was wondering, Why do you feel the need to post this on a blog, on the internet?

K- Well I think it’s important. I believe a lot of people can relate to what I’m talking about. I feel like it’s almost a support group. In fact I consider it a community based collaboration. It’s almost like I’m journaling my experience. Trying to find my identity. A blog just seems like the best way to go about exploring and documenting this experience.

G- Our identity?!

K- Yes, Our identity.

G- You have been struggling with this for a while now haven’t you?

K- Yea, I admit I have. I have been lost for a long time. Sometimes I seem to find a familiar path to follow, but then I get lost again. It’s funny really, because I am great with maps and directions. So why is it so hard to find myself?

G- Maybe you need to find a new map?

And… a little while later…

G- What are you eating now??

K- Ummmm, nothing?

G- Yea, right!! I thought I told you to stop?

K- You did and I forgot. The story of my life.

G- What are we gonna do with you, with us??

K- Sighs!! Good question.

And…. a little while later…

G- Did you just stand your ground with that woman?

K- I sure did.

G- Wow! I’m impressed!

K- Hahaha, yea me too. It felt pretty good. I’m tired of doing things for everyone because I am so “nice.” It felt good to say what I feel and not care what anyone thinks.

G- Good for you!!

Day10 copy

Day11 copy

Day12 copy

Day13 copy

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “A Conversation…

  1. Very cool conversation. I can relate to it. I am more comfortable in Princess’s skin than I am in my own, although my hangups seem to have transferred themselves to Princess. She is not perfect. She is flawed. Like her actual world counterpart, she is afraid to go places, afraid to interact with strangers, afraid of the unknown. I did not intentionally transfer these things to her, but we are one and the same, and she is me, albeit in a better body, because I was able to give her one! I love the photos you have been posting – they give a real feel for Kris, the woman behind Gracie. I am enjoying viewing them.

  2. Outstanding. You are sharing what’s really important about anyone (their mind).

    Oh, and totally agree on the “being nice to everyone all the time” nonsense. Screw that! Speak your mind if it is a well-considered thought and if anyone gets upset by it that is their problem. They own their own feelings.

    Also, please don’t tear Gracie in half doing splits (that looks painful).

  3. I read this with a wry smile. How many times have I looked at Beq and wondered how long it will be before I can actually upload my consciuosness and my Self into her. She is the me that the world suppressed many years ago. SL and Beq allowed me to create and express once again through the veil or perhaps it is the armour plating of anonymity. Thank you for this post and this project. Go girl.

  4. ooooh, huge enormous hugs! one of th’ like top ten best weblog posts ever. K an’ G are both absolute dolls, beauties, wonders. 🙂 Keep it up!

  5. WOW!!! Thank you so much guys for your amazing comments. I have been reading them, but just haven’t had a chance to respond to each one as I’d like to. But it means so so much to have so much support for this project. Please share it as much as you can. If it at least helps one other person with the same issues I am dealing with, than I would be so thrilled!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s