“This is why you’re FAT”

So the last few days I’ve been reading this book “This is why you’re FAT” by Jackie Warner. I actually really like it a lot. It explains how your body works in relation to the different vitamins and nutrients in good foods. It helps paint a clearer picture of how BAD sugar is. I have been really motivated to change my food lifestyle and take back control of my life.

So why am I sitting hear eating a quart of mint chocolate chip ice cream??? Good question.

First of all, it’s so damn hot. Yes, I know, I shouldn’t complain. I live in the beautiful Southern California and we normally have the most amazing weather. And I’m really not one to complain, but this is for my blog, so I have the right. I have been hot. I figure it’s probably the excess weight I’m carrying…hahaha. Anyway, back to the reason I’m fat.

Second, I worked a graveyard shift last night in the ER. 7pm to 7am. You don’t even want to know my eating habits at work especially at these hours. So I get home from work this morning at 730, jump right in bed, and am immediately woken up at 8am to the neighbor jack-hammering their driveway. (For 3 weeks now, and they have barely gotten anything done…sighs!! But I said I don’t complain, so I’m not..LOL) I fell back to sleep off and on till about 1130ish am. I woke looked at the clock and said, “Well Shit.” I figured I didn’t want to sleep the day away, and I can sleep normal hours tonight. So I got up. I knew I had to eat something, but I don’t have anything in the house. I have my grocery list ready to go, but was too tired to go shopping. So I went to Carls Jr and got a Western Bacon Cheeseburger hold the onion rings and BBQ sauce and an Oreo Shake (too cool off of course).

I came home, ate and did some painting while I watched the latest episode of “True Blood.” Unfortunately it took 4 hours to watch a 55 minute episode because the online video kept buffering. It was the best version I could find and I wanted to see what happened, so I painted while watching it.

When I was done, I was hungry. I still didn’t want to go grocery shopping and wanted to cook even less. I got the thought of Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream in my mind. And I had to have some. (I actually haven’t had any for about 2 months. Although I’ve had other forms of ice cream.) So, I went out in the heat and got 2 quarts. I ended up eating 3/4 of a quart and I threw the rest out, including the 2nd quart. I shouldn’t have bought it.

I have a picture up on my computer of me about 1 1/2 years ago, when I was much thinner. I carry around an envelope of pictures of when I was thinner. I want to be thin. So why is it so hard? I have so many thoughts and dreams and hopes and wishes. I have a vision of my life that is so clear, why is it so hard to get there. I feel like there is a wall, that I can’t jump over or get around. This wall of course is me. I am hindering myself, but I don’t know why.

I have been thinking of Gracie a lot lately. I haven’t been able to spend much time with her because of work. I am working 5 days a week, 12 hours a day. I am just so exhausted, I feel I don’t have a life, first or second. Is this why I’m fat???

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