Someone asked me today, what I have learned while working on the 1000 Avatar Project. I had to really think about it. I answered in more Universal terms about the idea of individuality, diversity, equality, etc. But later on I thought about it and realized I have learned more about myself than anything.
One of the things I have noticed is how many people are married. Or I should say wear wedding rings. I tend to focus a lot on details when I’m shooting and this one detail, the wedding ring seems to really stand out a lot. I wonder if it is because it is bling, all pretty and shiny, and of course we are all attracted to shiny things. Or if it is more personal, more unconscious.
Did you know I was engaged in Second Life? It was a long long time ago. I dusted off my ring to see what it looked like… felt like…
and some pics of the wedding I had planned…
I show these pictures because I have been thinking a lot about relationships in Second Life. When I first joined Second Life 4 and a half years ago, I joined for the art. I have mentioned before that my RL aunt and uncle came in SL after reading about it in Spin Magazine. They told me I HAD to come in and bring my art. So I did. I had no idea that I would meet guys and form such strong attachments.
But I did. Of course now it is easy to look back and see that I have really been missing this in my life. I am single in RL. I have never been married or had a serious relationship. I try to analyze why, and really have no idea. Well I have tons of ideas… but who knows. LOL Now, I HAVE dated in RL and I have regrets over not pursuing some guys a little more. But the past is the past.
When I started dating in Second Life a whole new world opened up for me. I started to feel more attractive, more confident. It was such an amazing feeling to see how much men liked me for me, for my mind, my personality, my wit, etc. But I always struggled with that idea. Is that what they really liked? A lot of times, men would say I was beautiful. What does that mean? They saw my avatar. They didn’t see me. Well not at first. But still.
What does all this mean? I have no idea…LOL I guess it’s all a part of this journey I am on. Do I want a relationship? Sure. Do I want a partner? Sure. Do I want a lover, a husband, a best friend? Of course. I want someone to share my life with. And Mint Chocolate Chip Ice cream can only do so much…LOL
My thing is, am I ready? I always hear the saying, you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. You have to be happy with yourself first. I don’t know.
It’s funny, I was talking to someone recently, and mentioned that I don’t think i have time to date right now if I wanted to. I feel that dating would take time away from my art. This person told me… wow, why don’t you look at it a little more positively… why wouldn’t that person be your muse, inspiring your art, rather than taking away from it. Very good point!!
Jean Paul Clement, “Most people are together just so they are not alone. But some people want magic. I think you are one of those people.” From the movie Broken English 2007
So I was sitting with some girl friends tonight, having a really great conversation on dating. One of my friends suggested I check out this book “A round-heeled woman- My late life adventures on sex and romance.” As soon as I saw it, I was immediately intrigued.
Now I haven’t really talked about sex and romance in The Gracie Kendal Project, but I have been thinking about it a lot lately. The Young British artist Tracy Emin did a piece called “Everyone I ever slept with.”
I had thought it would be such an interesting idea to recreate this project in Second Life. So many questions would come up. What does it mean to “Sleep with” someone in Second Life? How does anonymity apply? How would this project deal with the idea of identity in Second Life? How does this help me on my journey of self exploration?
Of course, I decided not to do this particular project. I couldn’t list the people I have slept with. It wouldn’t be fair to them. (So you can breathe easier now..hehe)
As I go into part II of my transformation into becoming my Avatar I have been thinking about questions of sex and romance. What has it meant to have relationships and lovers in Second Life? How has the idea of feeling desired in Second Life carried over into my real life? What have I learned about myself through all my relationships? What is my next step?
More to come…
BTW… I ordered the book 🙂