My eating disorder support group is really amazing… The therapist, Nina, has had an eating disorder and knows exactly what we are going through. Every session is a learning experience. Kind of like going to school. You learn about yourself and grow up as you go. It’s a process. I am not going to get through this tomorrow, or next week. It is going to take a while. One of the things I am working on is feeling my feelings. I know that may sound wacky… but I have a hard time feeling. Sometimes I don’t know what to feel or how to feel. I watch movies to feel something. I use them to cry or laugh etc.
Nina, wants me to concentrate on the visual. Since I have a hard time with more abstract concepts… go figure..LOL She wants me to use visual guides to help me. So I have been thinking about why I watch the movies I do over and over again. One movie is Persuasion, by Jane Austin. It is by far my favorite Jane Austin story. Why? Good question. The DVD cover says “A fairy tale for adults.” The main character Ann Elliot has been dismissed and virtually abandoned, left to fend for herself most of her life. She doesn’t fit in with her family. She is the more sensible, intelligent one. She was in love once, but her family forbid the marriage, so she was left to grow old, possibly into spinsterhood. After several years, her love came back into her life… It’s a fairy tale, so I am sure you can surmise what happens. Her knight in shining armor comes and saves her.
Do I wish for a knight in shining armor? of course!! Do I wish I was thin? Yes. Do I wish I had more money… yea, I do.