The Treachery of Images? Ceci n’est pas…

So I had joined InWorldz a while ago. I created an account with the name Gracie Kendal. That is who I am online, and I didn’t want to be anyone else.

I have only been inworld maybe a handful of times. Each time I tried to find an avatar a look that I could comfortably BE Gracie kendal in. I knew I wouldn’t be able to look just like her. For months she has roamed around InWorldz in a demo shape, demo skin, a pair or Trill’s Boho pants and a t-shirt. No hair and weird eyes.

So today was the day I wanted to go inworld and check out the InWorldz Dreamz & Visionz Art Festival 2011. My friend Nikki had entered and I wanted to be there for her. I went in early and looked around for an avatar that was non-human. I ended up buying a mouse avatar, a horse and a dragon avatar. None of them really ‘fit’ me. The horse avatar came with a black skin. I thought ‘aha’ I will just go around in a black  skin, a ghost or shadow of Gracie Kendal.

As I was looking at this  avatar in front of me, I wondered if I could put any type of texture on the skin. So I uploaded one of my paintings put it on my skin…and OMG It was like a huge lightbulb went off over my head. This changes EVERYTHING!!! (well almost everything!!)

These photos were taken at “A Space for Visions: Installation” by Nickola Martynov & Micheil Merlin

 

Why is Gracie smoking again???

Yes, Gracie is smoking again!! Was it peer pressure, advertising or stress? No, actually… well not really. It is the idea that I can’t live my life caring what people think of me. One of the things I am working through is always worrying about how people see me. I hold so much inside because I don’t want to be seen as too emotional or mean or bitchy or unstable or sad. I have an eating disorder which is in part because I hold too much in. In the real world, Ice cream is my drug of choice. I don’t smoke or drink or do drugs… but I am not perfect. I have a problem with food. I am working through it with counseling and support groups, it is working, slowly.

Now smoking in Second Life, is not really smoking. I mean come on, you can’t get cancer from it. (And trust me, I have friends who have passed away from cancer and others who are fighting for their lives right now). You can’t smell the smoke of cigarette’s nor step on butts in second life. Smoking, here, in second life, is a way to say that despite the beautiful pixelated bodies, skins, hair, clothes, lives that we have here, I, Gracie and Kris, am not perfect.

And it doesn’t matter.