Day 44 of Project 365: I dreamt of death

I have had A LOT of dreams lately. Most of them so surreal and most of them involving cars. Last nights dream was one of the  first I  can remember involving me dying.

I was at a bike event getting ready to ride a bike. Had to find a new tube and tire. It was on some floating dock somewhere. I fell Asleep and woke up and it felt like the dock was moving. It was night. There was a guy there and he was going to check on it. I went outside And started to float up and saw people sitting on the dock in chairs reading and studying. As I was floating I saw people I knew including My brother and nephews and I realized I thought I was dying and tried to open my eyes. I didn’t want to go. I kept saying “please let me Wake up” “please let me wake up” “please let me wake up” over and over. And I did. I seriously thought I had died in my sleep 😦 I know of two people who have passed away the last couple weeks in their sleep, so it’s probably on my mind 😦

I see death a lot in the ER. I wish I didn’t but I do. The hardest part is watching the families deal with it. That is when I get teary.

When I first had a panic attack a few years ago I went and saw a counselor. One of the underlying causes they say is fear of death. I think about this a lot. I don’t want  to die. Of course no one does. I am just not ready. I still have so much to do. I know if it comes to me, it will be my time and that is that. I would like to be one of those people that are spiritually confident about death but right now I am not. I need to meditate more.

This morning, when I was able to go back to sleep after my dream, I woke up to Whitney Houston singing “How will I know” (maybe I did die? LOL)  on my clock radio. Yes I still have a clock radio. I have had this thing for about 20 years. I will probably have it another 20…LOL

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