Today I went with my friend Susan to the Los Angeles Municipal Art Gallery for an opening. We had to park at the bottom of the complex and hike up a couple sets of stairs that looked like these…I made it to the top, barely. I was out of breath and I felt like my legs were going to give out. I am embarrassed to say this. I shouldn’t be this out of shape. (Ugh, there I go using the word should again). We had to wait a couple of minutes to go inside so I could catch my breath. My throat and lungs were visibly stressed. At least to me they were. After a while I was fine. I previously talked about the idea of not trusting my body. I still don’t. I am afraid if I do anything strenuous like jogging, running, hiking on trails uphill or walking up a lot of stairs I will eventually have a heart attack. This may sound a bit crazy, but because my dad and grandpa died so young of heart attacks, I am afraid. I am working through this. One way is this blog. Another is, I am going to therapy and also I just started back with my eating disorder support group. Plus, I am going to make an appointment with my doctor for a physical. I will express my fears with him and see what he says.
At least in Second Life, Gracie can run, fly, climb thousands of steps and not feel anything but delight. Sigh!