Last night I was thinking about what it means to be brave. Or rather what it means to be afraid. I have received quite a few comments from people calling me brave for the art I do. Brave for how I put myself out there to the world. Brave for letting go and opening up.
In reality, I am pretty afraid. I am afraid of being forgotten. I am afraid of being left out. I am afraid of death. I am afraid of rejection and abandonment. I am afraid no one likes me. I am afraid I am stuck. I am afraid I won’t be able to afford to eat. I am afraid TO eat. I am afraid of what is happening in this world of ours. I am afraid I can’t do better. I live with so much fear and worry in my life.
Now, I am working through all of this. So don’t be afraid for me. Art helps for sure. But every day is a struggle. I write, create, think and continue to live my life. Because that is what we have to do. I don’t want to be afraid. I want to live with the freedom to do what I want, when I want, how I want. I want to have no fear. Of course, I know you need SOME fear, but I want peace from fear.
I think this is why I work so hard at art. Because I have to. Because in some way, I have no fear over it. I just do it. No fear. Geesh, I sound like an ad from the 90s.
My newest artwork is a sub-installation from my Binge and Purge performance/installation within the virtual world of Second Life. “88 are better than one” is an artwork about how to be unafraid. It is about seeing true beauty. It is about color, form, structure, reflection. It is about me.
You can read more about the Binge and Purge Installation in the last few posts of this blog.
You can see the installation in person at: http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/LEA16/111/111/21